Blog 10: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

I know fear was meant to be useful. The body’s physical fear response was put in place so we’d be alerted to dangers in our immediate environment and poised to act accordingly. This psychological mechanism has been a key component in the survival of most animals, including humans. So really, fear is kind of a nice guy.

But I find it rude when fear decides to kick in at pivotal and inconvenient moments, like when I ready myself to say something witty and charming to that one guy in class. Unless there is a tiger crouched behind a desk ready to bound at me, fear has no place in that conversation. But alas, there fear is, waving menacingly at me over the boy’s shoulder.

Well, now isn’t this embarrassing? I am admitting on my public blog, which my classmates will read, that boys can still make me nervous. Yup, that’s right. I’m almost 23 years old, and I still get the butterflies when talking (or attempting to talk) to a guy I like. But, surprisingly, I am not alone.

Speaking to my friends, I find that a majority of both males and females experience similar anxiety, to varying degrees. Whether they are nervous and unsure about telling a good friend that platonic isn’t cutting it, or too shy to break the ice with the cute girl in class, my friends share similar stories of the frustrating self-consciousness that kicks into gear when interacting with the object of their desire. While many people may not openly share these anxieties, it seems like being nervous around people you find attractive is a fairly standard reaction.

In a recent conversation with my friend and fellow DVC student Brittany Slaney, I realized something that might sound ridiculously obvious: this problem is often rooted in a poor self-image. Even though some guys make me nervous, I consider myself a relatively confident person. I like and accept most parts of myself, I am certainly not afraid to speak my mind and am generally talkative and friendly. So why the change when my current crush is added to the mix?

As Brittany and I continued talking, we discussed the idea that this phenomenon may stem from self-esteem issues we didn’t even realize we had. Suddenly, I was struck by the idea that this might be something worth writing about. I think almost every college student could relate to this topic. I asked her if I could quote her for my blog, and she (somewhat courageously) accepted.

Brittany is an amiable and outgoing 20- year-old who is quick to socialize and make friends with anyone. But, like many of us, talking to or even being around the person she likes makes her inexplicably nervous. In pondering why this may be, she articulated the root of her fear.

“Being around guys I am attracted to, I feel like I’m not what they’re after,” said Brittany.

I realized that I do the same thing, but why would I think that? As I began looking back at my adolescence, I finally understood. Our generation has been raised to idolize a standard of beauty that is difficult to obtain: thin women with long, shiny hair and flawless skin (large breasts don’t hurt either). This ideal has been shown to be incredibly detrimental to self-images, particularly to those of young females.

Photo courtesy of Dating Weblog

According to a 2007 BBC News article “Young ‘Hung Up’ on Their Bodies,” 51 percent of young women would have surgery to improve their looks and a third of those who are a size 12 think they are overweight.

As a pudgy child who was taller than every boy in my class until high school came around, I think I still hold on to the notion that physically, I don’t cut the mustard. This belief may be mostly unconscious, but it still rears its ugly head at inopportune times. Slaney shares a similar sentiment.

“I’m confident talking to people and speaking my mind, and comfortable with how I look, until I really look at myself. And then it’s like I’m a totally different person,” Slaney said.

She says that much of her poor self-image comes from unhappiness with her weight. Sporting what many would consider an “average figure,” Slaney says her ideal weight would be 20 pounds less than her current one.

“I just look in the mirror, and I see everything is overweight, and feel like no clothes are ever going to look good,” said Slaney.

Because our culture places so much emphasis on beauty, even girls who are intelligent, successful and healthy can still suffer major blows to their self-images when they fail to live up to society’s expectations. This negative self-image gathers so much strength in adolescence, it’s no wonder that women continue to feel the effects well into adulthood.

An article titled “Media and Girls” from The Media Awareness Network says that “In its 1998 study Focus on Youth, the Canadian Council on Social Development reports that while the number of boys who say they ‘have confidence in themselves’ remains relatively stable through adolescence, the numbers for girls drop steadily from 72 percent in grade six students to only 55 percent in grade ten.”

Even in their 20s, the females of my generation are still fighting the emotional repercussions of this trend. Some of us, like me, continue to feel like we aren’t what men want. Others, like Brittany, feel that if they just lost those extra 20 pounds, life would be better.

But when is it enough? I asked Brittany how she would feel if she lost those last 20 pounds.

“I might feel better about myself,” said Slaney. “But then again, I feel like I’m always going to strive for more.”

It is my hope that every girl and woman be completely proud and accepting of her body, image and life, regardless of media input. The cliché, while cheesy, remains true: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That’s exactly what I’ll be telling myself next time I see fear waving from behind McDream Dude’s shoulder.